Yes indeed.
This word slips off my tongue far too easily.
Yes, I’ll be sure and get all those reports finished by Tuesday (even though it’s Monday night).
Yes, I’ll be happy to pledge to your disaster relief/homeless shelter/mission trip/fund for wayward pandas.
Yes, I can come to extra rehearsals on Sunday afternoons (even though that’s my only free day all week).
Oh, yes.
Some years ago, a friend of mine gave me a promotional pen he’d received in the mail. It was from a local anti-drug coalition, and it had the words “Just Say NO!” imprinted on it in big red letters. “Keep this by your phone,” he told me, “and when someone calls and asks you for something, read this to them!”
You know, it actually helped. This was back in the days when telemarketers were calling all the time, and I was a huge wimp about saying “no.” Anybody with a programmed sob story could get money out of me. But I started gripping that pen tightly in my hand and screwing up my courage. After the first few times of saying “sorry, I can’t donate right now,” it got easier and easier. Pretty soon, I was grabbing the phone and saying “I’m sorry, we aren’t making any donations on the telephone” before firmly hanging up the receiver.
The yes word still gives me trouble, though, especially when authority figures are involved. “You’ve got to start telling her no,” my husband told me the other day, referring to my boss. “She has to learn that you’re not going to accomodate her unreasonableness.”
Well, easy for him to say.
However…the other day she made a rather unreasonable request, and I don’t think my response was exactly what she’s come to expect from me.
“We can make that a goal,” I responded in reference to the new deadlines she was requesting. “But I think it’s going to be very difficult most weeks to actually make it happen.” I had several solid reasons to back me up, and she (grudgingly) allowed that we should “just do the best you can” toward achieving it.
Being a people pleaser is just part and parcel of my personality, and it’s the thing that makes saying “yes” so easy. It’s not even so much that I want people to like me, it’s that I want to feel important and approved of. I genuinely want to help people, I want to be seen as the kind of person who gets things done. When I complete some of these tasks, even though they may have cost me time or money or considerable effort (or all of the above at once!), I feel good about myself.
It means I really can do it all. Mission accomplished.
But, at some point I’d like my mission in life to become more about saying yes to the desires of my own heart. After all, charity begins at home.
Yes, I’ll take two weeks off at Christmas time so I can spend more time with my family.
Yes, I’ll stop bringing work home so I can spend Sunday nights reading or meeting friends for dinner.
Yes, I’ll ask my husband to do the grocery shopping even if I’m not working so I can get my hair done or have a pedicure.
But will I be able to stand firm amidst the continuing onslaught of demands for my time and effort?
Yes, indeed.
Hell, Yes!
Becca's Byline 
It is good to say no when you are being used and abused and equally good to say yes when you are appreciated and you get enjoyment out of it.
Good post.
So true – it’s important to know what to say yes to!
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Becca,
I should have read this post years ago. I have a friend who once told me to stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “NO.”
“it’s that I want to feel important and approved of.”
That’s insightful, Becca. That approval thing is difficult to shed. Ironically, I think I’ve finally (almost) learned that we don’t get approval by saying yes to everything. My observation is that those who’ve learned the art of saying no when it’s warranted actually get more respect because they have respect for themselves. Still, it’s a very difficult lesson to learn, but (like you) I’m getting there. Great post, Becca.
Bella
Bella, I think it’s a lifelong lesson…but I’m improving slightly with age 🙂
Learning to say no is vitally important if you want to create some balance in your life. Really enjoyed your post.
Thanks for stopping by, John. I’m on an eternal quest for balance in life!
You go, girl! Seriously, declining some requests and asserting your own makes for a happier, more satisfying life, and if Mom’s happy, everyone’s happy. Or so the saying goes. But I’m a firm believer in putting your self on your itinerary, which enriches your life and makes what you do give to others all the better.
So right, Joanne. Learning to say yes to the right things is key, and sometimes we have to say yes to our own selves first!
Hell yes, indeed! I’ve had a proclivity toward being a pleaser (and over-achiever) … like so many things, it’s a matter of balance.
peace,
JP/deb
I’m actually rather hesitant to saying yes to anything that demands my time as I’m always afraid to have a overloaded agenda and once I commit to something I really will always make it happen; So I tend to say “I’ll check if I can make it, I’ll confirm later”. Often later on, i do say yes, but I’m always hesitant at start
Beautifully put. I can certainly relate. It seems that we came to similar conclusions in our posts–say yes to our Selves!
This was a hard lesson for me to learn, too. I want people to be happy, so I want to say yes. Sometimes, though, saying no results in less disappointment all around.
wasn’t there a lesson out there… singing, yes,i think i can, i think i can… sorta like a mantra..
Saying ‘Yes’ to one thing often deprives of something else.
learning to say yes to yourself is by far the most difficult life lesson – but so necessary!
Becca, It really made me feel better reading this entry. For many reasons, not the least of which is knowing that someone else has trouble saying “no.” But it can be overcome.
I loved the part about responding to your boss’s unreasonable request. Honestly. I gotta give that a well-timed, well tempered try.
Oddly, to reclaim more personal time, I cut way back on blogging and blog world. IT works to an extent, but then, one should respect adn stay with friends and acquaintances, virtual or not.
I was alos glad to hear of the sharing of “stuff” on the home front.
Anyway, I just wanted to say “bravo” to you and thanks for writing about this.
Ciao!
Hell Yeah! I love it! I feel like saying Congrats after reading this. Well expressed and healthy.
yes yes yes 😀
YESSSSSSSS!
Hell yes! I see this post has touched a cord with many. I worked myself into complete meltdown mode last week, for the exact reasons you described. I didn’t know I was overloaded until it was too late… “The I can’t take it anymore” crazies had already come in for a landing. This post comes at the same time I’m examining all the reasons I say yes.
Bravo! You and I have much in common on this topic — and I’m so proud of you for your stance! It’s a motivator for sure — and one with big dividends!
I had a terrible time with this when I started my business. When you’re building a customer base, every customer is precious, and so are their dollars. I said yes to everyone who came along, and it worked fine until I discovered I was always behind, always getting jobs done late, always running from pillar to post.
I’ve stopped taking new customers for now, and learning to politely say “no” to folks who want my services. It’s hard. But I’ve learned that it’s more important to keep existing customers happy than to keep saying yes.
I love this post. I feel what you’re saying down to my core. Even though it’s much too late for Sunday Scribblings, I might respond to this on my blog. I think I need to!