Adding Insult to Injury

In addition to all the paperwork to do for  the new house, now I’m embroiled in another cluster#*$% of paperwork associated with our rental property in Florida.

Apparently the county re-drew land maps, and in this new rendering it appears that our entire gated community is located in a flood plain. Mind you, it really isn’t located in a flood plain, it just looks that way on the map. (Thanks bunches cartographers.)

Ergo, our nefarious mortgage lender (Bank of America) has decided we need to purchase extra flood insurance. Unless, of course, we can prove satisfactorily that the home is not going to be inundated with water the next time there’s a tropical storm in Southern Florida.

I bet you already know the rest of this story.

More paperwork.

First I have to obtain an Elevation Certificate (FEMA form 81-31). Then I have to include that certificate along with my application to FEMA for a LOMA (letter that states my house is not in danger of being flooded). Of course, along with the LOMA application and the Elevation Certificate I also must send along the following:

Copy of the effective FIRM panel on which the structure and/or property location has been accurately plotted; OR a Copy of the Subdivision Plat Map with recordation date and stamp of the Recorders Office; OR a Copy of the Property Deed with recordation date and stamp of the Recorders Office, accompanied by a tax assessor’s map or other certified map showing the surveyed location of the property relative to the local streets and watercourses. The map should include at least one street intersection that is shown on the FIRM panel.

I didn’t expect you to read all that drivel. Besides, if you’re anything like me you started laughing  crying hysterically after the first sentence. (FIRM panel? what’s that? sounds like something you’d find in my mother’s old Playtex girdle.)

Is it any wonder that people go postal?

I’ve about come to the conclusion that modern life is much too complicated for the likes of poor simpletons like me. I’m tempted to throw my hands in the air and say the hell with it, I’ll pay the extra $300 a year for flood insurance.

But no.

Sometimes I think that’s the whole point of these kinds of campaigns. The huge corporations and financial institutions (and yes, THE GOVERNMENT) figure if they make it hard enough we’ll just pay the extra money out of sheer frustration. It’s like when gas prices suddenly skyrocket. When it’s been $4.89/gallon, we’re actually happy to see it “down” to $4.00 (never mind that it was $3.50 two months ago. Thereby, they incrementally raise the prices ever higher, and we’re duped into thinking it isn’t so bad.

I may be down in the paperwork wars, but I’m not out.

Watch out, FEMA. Here I come.


9 thoughts on “Adding Insult to Injury

  1. Wow, so they went and pulled a FEMA on you? I remember a few years ago there was a big brouhaha being kicked up over FEMA reclassifying practically the entirety of western Collier as being in a flood plain. There was very little warning, and people in Golden Gate in particular were told that they would pay hundreds, even thousands more per year in mandatory flood insurance. I don’t recall the specifics, but the plan was either retracted or put on hold after massive public outcry…I’d hear campaigns against it in the paper and on local radio daily.

    But now, it sounds like FEMA must have finally gotten their way.

    Good luck in getting all of the requisite drivel together so they can exempt you; I hope it’s easier than that legalese made it sound. (A LOMA from FEMA…there’s a song lyric in there somewhere.)

    • Yes, we got caught up in the latest round of this scheme. Island Walk contracted with a company to provide the Elevation Certificates at a “group rate” (only $100!! lol). But we’ve got to follow up with them and see if they have any clue about this other paperwork we have to provide.

      Yeah, a LOMA from FEMA – could be a gangsta rap 😉

  2. Good gosh. And speaking of FEMA, a friend in Louisiana’s just been caught up in their latest – asking people who were given small grants after Hurricane Katrina to send their money back. How’d you like to open your mail and find a letter saying, “Sent us $3,500. You’ve got 60 days to complete any appeal process.” You can read about all that here at Huffpo.

    It can be tempting to throw in the towel when dealing with any bureacracy. Stay strong!

  3. Oh my Becca. Sounds like you’re in the middle of the multiple-copy maze. It is such a mess of legalese. Good for you for not caving.
    Stay strong! Breathe deeply! Don’t let ’em get you down!
    I’m rooting for you 🙂

  4. Oh, Becca, you can’t win for trying! Yes, breathe deeply and remember, when it’s over you’ll be ever so happy!

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