Cash Deposit

<scrunch> <scrabble> <toss> <flip>

Oh!

Hello!

Excuse my long absence from these pages, but I have been literally buried in mounds of paperwork and have just now managed to tunnel out for a bit of a breather.

The most recent events on The Road to Brookwood Court have us embroiled in the process of Applying for A Mortgage.

Portentious and important stuff, yes?

I had no idea.

Now it isn’t as if we’ve never had a mortgage before. In the last 10 years, we actually had two – one on each of the home we have in Florida. And while I certainly remember there being paperwork involved, it paled in comparison to the reams and reams of papers needed to apply for a mortgage today.

And it isn’t only tax statements and bank statements – those you would expect. It’s proofs of insurance and copies of deposit slips and copies of all the checks you’ve cashed in the last two months and copies of the credit card accounts you’ve paid off and letters from the bank and letters from the tenant in the rental house and and and and….

Every day it’s another email with requests for more information.

And why? It’s not because we’re asking for an overly large sum of money. Nor is it because our credit rating is bad.

It’s because THE GOVERNMENT requires it. THE GOVERNMENT needs to see every check I’ve deposited in the bank in the past two months, even the 10.00 rebate check from the oil change at the Ford Dealer.

But it’s the cash deposit that almost did us in. A while ago I deposited some cash into my checking account. You remember cash don’t you? It’s the green paper that you can use to buy thing with? Comes in different denominations and usually has the face of a President on it?

Well, I happened to have some cash and- not realizing the danger –  deposited it into my checking account.

“Oh well this is just a real problem,” my nervous mortgage consultant told me.
“We might have to produce an affidavit explaining where this cash came from, otherwise THE GOVERNMENT thinks you’re laundering money.”

Holy Freaking Cow.

After I spent about 10 minutes railing against THE GOVERNMENT and how they needed to stay out of my f#&*(%^ business, my husband looked at me over the top of the reading glasses he was using to read the fine print on even more papers.

“Careful,” he said. “You’re beginning to sound like a Republican.”

Sigh. Now that’s a real reason to fear the cash deposit.

Never mind, we will not let these ridiculous rules and regulations deter us from our final goal. We will continue to collect all the minutiae required in all the acceptable formats.

However, if I don’t surface until after the closing, you’ll know I’ve been consumed by the monster that is THE GOVERNMENT.

But I won’t go down without a fight.

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17 thoughts on “Cash Deposit

  1. Now that is indeed a scary story. The last time we did a re-finance, it was pretty much over the phone and then a 30 minute sit down to sign papers and off we went. That was only 10 years ago, my oh my, times sure have changed since those weasel bankers nearly destroyed our economy. Hope you find all the little pieces of paper you need and get that 3% mortgage.

    • Yes, in the 10 years since we got our last mortgage it has become a nightmare of paperwork, thanks to those “weasel bankers!”

      I don’t plan on ever doing this again – hopefully! We’d better stay in this place until the bitter end 🙂

  2. I had no idea! Laundering money huh? Wouldn’t you think they’d have bigger corporate fish to fry? I hope it goes smoothly now that they know you’re not out to rob them.

  3. Well, I know a few bankers who aren’t any happier than you are. I say, let’s give some grief to the weasel regulators, too!

    My first thought was: you mean I’m supposed to keep copies of my bank records? My second thought was: I wonder if we’ve used enough of the code words yet to set off the algorithmic alarms at the Office of Big Government. They’re trolling for keywords now, and I suspect “cash” and “money laundering” are on the list.

    (Hi, Guys! Yeh – you with the GSA rating and the taxpayer-funded iPad!
    Would you like to see a whole pile of grannies start with the $&^#@ vocabulary? We’re starting to get irritated out here!)

    Here’s to a nice, smooth transaction, Becca. I really hope it goes quickly and without a single problem!

    • Luckily I bank online so it was easy enough to print copies of all the checks I’ve deposited. But it has been such a crazy bunch of stuff they ask for.

  4. Ugh. Good luck with that — if I had to do that, I’d be in big trouble. Guess I’m staying put for the rest of my life!

    Good to check back in — this spring/summer has been a whirlwind of some good, bad, but always on the go!

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  6. Thanks to mistakes in our past and circumstances outside of our control we have never owned a home. I mean to say we have never sold our souls to a bank to get that precious mortgage that people value so much these days. Do not get me wrong, I believe there is some value in buying a home vs renting. Then again, from what I have heard from home owners I sometimes wonder if renting is not smarter these days. Anyway, I sure am sorry to hear that is what Katy and I have to look forward to. Now that Katy has her teaching certificate we are hoping a full time teaching job is in her near future. That will boost our budgetary funds which means we can start the ardous task of cleaning up our credit and maybe one day join the ranks of home owners. From what you are saying it is going to require a regimen of valium before we start the process. Good luck to you and your husband.

    • I have heard more and more conventional wisdom recommending renting over buying. There is something to be said for it, especially after going through this experience!

      Congratulations to Katy on getting her certificate, and I hope she finds a great job!

  7. This is the stuff serious nightmares are made of. Forget creepy, crawly things and monsters from the lagoon, this is the real deal. Wishing you luck and following the details closely. We want very much to downsize.

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