Waking Up

After waking up at 3:30 a.m., tossing and turning for about 30 minutes whilst cursing myself for not taking the melatonin my daughter in law gave me, I surrendered and crawled out of bed.

Taking my book from the bedside table I made my customary buttered toast and wide-awake-at-four a.m. cup of hot cocoa. I read the book for a while, then succumbed to the internet’s siren call.

While making the rounds of some favorite bloggers, I came across this post by Melissa Sarno, a young woman of uncommonly delicate perceptions and thoughtfulness. She writes about her upcoming 10 year college reunion and reflects upon the sense of time passages, the way traveling though life sometimes seems- at least in retrospect- to be as effortless and mindless as climbing a flight of stairs.

In the comments, readers were talking about where they had been in life 10 years ago. Mostly younger people than I, their past 10 years included major life changes – relationship changes, children, career building. This was my comment:

Ten years ago, my life was pretty much the same as it is right now.


Funny thing is, I’m not sure exactly how to feel about that. As a person who really rather abhors change, the sameness of the past decade could definitely be viewed as a positive thing.

But as a person who also fears entrophy, the thought of being so stagnant is almost equally distressing.

Perhaps that’s why I’m feeling some sense of urgency about our potential move to a new home. As difficult as that will be, it feels like time to stop standing at the foot of the staircase and start climbing.

Thanks, Melissa, for the early morning wake up call.

How about you? What was your life like 10 years ago? Has it changed significantly? 


12 thoughts on “Waking Up

  1. Ten years ago we were still reeling from the loss of one of our children to cancer. Our lives were changed in ways that I would not realize until now. So many areas of our lives individually and as a family were shaken down to the foundation. Thankfully we chose to lean on one another, and our faith in who God is in our lives, and we were able to hold things together. That is one life change that we do not care to experience again.

    • That is the kind of cataclysmic change from which you never really recover fully. I’m so glad you’ve had faith to sustain you and help you through.

  2. Thanks for the kind words, Becca. I think it depends on how you define ‘same’. I was admittedly confused by your comment because I’ve been reading (and loving) your blogs for just under a year and in that year alone you’ve sold a home, made career and work choices, and….you have a Connor. I thought…but Becca is a person always awake and climbing 🙂

    • Well, you’re right – Connor changes so many things in the grand scheme. I guess I was thinking about my everyday living – the stuff I do all the time – and that hasn’t really changed. Nor in many ways have I gotten closer to some of the goals I had 10 years ago. So perhaps I was thinking about the changes I had hoped for that didn’t happen.

      Or maybe I was just in a sour mood because I woke up too early 🙂

      Whatever, I always love your writing, because it makes me think!

  3. Ten years ago — the kids were smaller and home. Now they live away. I was not only younger but not diagnosed with an illness that can only be managed, not cured. My work life was stable and I loved being here. Now, I look toward the calendar of retirement not because I don’t want to work, but not here. I had a sweet cat. Two of them then, actually. Now there are none (right now). More friends were alive, but I have made new ones. I didn’t blog then. Now it’s huge. Rick was a big part of my life then, bigger now. All in all, it’s a wash. Life has changed a lot, but the good parts, feeling loved, supported, reasonably secure — those are the same, maybe even better. And really, those count the most.

  4. My life has changed dramatically in ten years… it was somewhat traumatic and helped me birth a memoir. See what you have to look forward to? 🙂 Your comment on Melissa’s blog made me chuckle, only because I could see you saying that. Maybe in the next 10 years, we’ll finally meet in person.

    • Now that would be something to look forward to! (The meet up, I mean 🙂

      You are at the right age for dramatic life changes. I hope you enjoy some stability for a while -at least as much as you can with three kids!

  5. Quite apart from the details of changes (there always are some in ten years), your comment made me realize how little time I spend reflecting on such things. I’m not suggesting that’s good or bad, only noting that it “is”. There have been some tramatic events, some struggles and some good additions to my life, but I tend to be focused in the present.

    I don’t have much sense of what the next ten years will bring, either. Part of that’s due to the fact that what I want to accomplish requires more attention in the present than planning for the future. Que sera, sera is my current mantra!

  6. Ten years ago…2002. I would have been 42…
    (I just deleted an entire paragraph that listed so many changes in that year alone that I decided it was ridiculously long).
    Your question has started the realization that my life is in constant state of change. More things have happened in ten years than I can list.
    I am not saying this like it’s a good thing. This is not about that at all. In fact, it scares me a little. Why the constant spin of the next thing and the next thing and the next BEST thing?
    Thanks for nothing Becca! I’m going to look deeper into this story of mine. I like to think of myself as reflective but the contrast between what you have described as your life, and how mine has gone, is interesting.
    I know we’re all so different and I’m not wishing to change (there’s that word again!) what has happened or to switch lives, but like you, I’m curious. It is important to look at our lives and see if it’s still what we are actively choosing because in my mind, there is nothing worse than just doing something because I’ve always done it that way.
    I want to do things, not out of habit, but out of choice.

    • Well, I’m glad I gave you something to think about! lol
      Your life and mine are SO different – you do seem to crave change and adventure while I seem to try and hide from it. Looking back, I wish I were a just a bit more open to new things (like you are!). With the wisdom of age and hindsight, it’s easy to see things you could have done differently. I’m trying to be more proactive now, rather than just ride the wave whatever it might be. I don’t think I’ll ever change my fundamental nature, nor would I necessarily want to, but it’s good to have a balance in life.

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