It’s Time to Have “The Talk”

It’s time to have The Talk with my husband.

Not the diet talk.

Not the money talk.

Not even the sex talk.

It’s even more delicate than all of those put together.

I never thought this day would come. Clearly, what was once a pleasant diversion has become a serious addiction. I’m afraid if he doesn’t confront this issue soon, serious problems will develop in our relationship.

My husband is addicted to his electronics.

It started three years ago when got his first Blackberry. At first the easy accessibility of email and internet was little more than a lark. But within months, he was constantly checking for mail or scanning his “favorites” list for new updates. Then he discovered the convenience of using alarms as reminders for everything from taking medication to taking out the trash. Even more alluring was the ability to set different sounds for each alarm, and before long a near constant barrage of bleeps, tweets, and song snippets echoed through the house.

In the past 12 months things have escalated beyond all control. Sadly, I have to take responsibility for this myself. Last year for his birthday I bought him an iPad and since then he has become a virtual slave to Apple. From the moment he wakes to the moment he goes to sleep, the iPad (or Patty as I not-so-affectionately call her) is his faithful companion. The lure of social networks, streaming video and radio, and international shopping abilities all within the confines Patty’s sleek chrome package has been too much for him. He is completely and utterly besotted.

As is Patty were not enough, last month the Droid joined his harem. The super fast, super fine Galaxy S phone replaced his old Blackberry, offering ever so many new options in speed, ease of control, and, yes, sound effects. So now Droid joins Patty at the breakfast and bedside tables, providing him with every possible element in the electronics spectrum.

The only thing he doesn’t do yet (electronically speaking) is blogging. Should he start a blog, monetize it, advertise, and start counting clicks, it would be impossible to part him from his electronics.

I am at my wit’s end. There’s no way I can compete with the lightning speed and multiple functionality of these devices. Not to mention their attractive designs, supreme intelligence, and ease of handling. I’m beginning to feel completely useless and outdated.

My biggest fear? That somehow, someway, they’ll come up with a computer that can cook. If that happens, just roll me over and call me done.

So Talk we must. “Honey,” I’ll say…

On second thought, maybe I should just send him an e-mail.

At least that way I’ll be sure to get his attention.

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22 thoughts on “It’s Time to Have “The Talk”

  1. I know this is said tongue in cheek, but I feel your pain! Social media and electronics can be a serious barrier to real relationships. May the force be with you as you tackle this issue!

    • I recently read about some research that demonstrated people’s brave wave activity when viewing pictures of their family, of religious icons, and their iPhones was exactly the same, and this activity was generally associated with feelings of deep love!

      I rest my case 🙂 lol

  2. Yep, we are all becoming slaves to our toys these days. I finally broke down and got a Blackberry three years ago and finally traded it in for an iPhone 4 in Feb this year. In the meantime, the little HP Notebook that I received free when I bought the Blackberry was being used as a home laptop even with its limitations relative to speed and download capabilities.
    In the meantime, the lovely Miss TK was doing just fine with a cheap little flip phone with no features other than text, which she used only with her sister and a friend in Colorado.
    So, I had to get a good laptop for home and then passed the Notebook to Miss TK to keep her entertained as I became a smidge bit more enamored with my laptop and iThingy.

    All was well, the Lovely Miss TK would use email and websites on the Notebook and was happy with that…..until….one day she opened the Notebook and the hinge area just unhinged itself, perhaps a suicide from under-use…we’ll never know.

    So, what to do, what to do?? Well, off to the Toy Stores….an iThingy at Verizon and a great new laptop for Miss TK. She has settled in well with her new toys and we now are a thoroughly modern couple with all the beeps, tweets, honks and alarms sounding off as we sit together in the family room with laptops in laps, iThingys at the side and the boob tube droning on in the background.

    The moral of the story is obvious, you need to get more toys and join hubby in the fun; of course, conversational skills usually erode somewhat in these thoroughly modern couple arrangements, but, isn’t conversation way overrated anyway?? 🙂

    • Full disclosure – I’m nearly as bad, and yes we do sit side by side with our twin iPads, watching television while internet surfing, facebooking, and tweeting.

      We are definitely a modern couple.

  3. Let me know how that conversation goes for you, Becca. We chose years ago to not have TV because it was sucking up so much time in the evening. Even if there wasn’t anything decent to watch, the box was on. Now, however, my husband spends every evening with his laptop watching YouTube videos or reading forum posts. I could live with this since I spend most evenings reading or writing, except when he doesn’t come to be until midnight or later. Then I don’t get a decent night’s sleep because I’m subconciously waiting for him or freezing. Aargh!

    • The iPads and laptops have almost usurped the TV for pride of place. But we have internet capability on our TV, so….

      I understand exactly where you’re coming from, Sharry! Thanks for stopping by.

  4. I am so forwarding this to my husband! But like you, I am just as guilty myself, we are definitely a modern couple, too! I am actually surprised how much we both love the iPad, I already had an iPhone and MacBook and didn’t really need another device (we never do, do we?) but our Patties are a huge hit in this household, and with the iCloud they’ve become even more addictive. Sigh. Can’t wait to hear how The Talk went!

  5. First… LOL! Very funny stuff.

    I do love me an Apple product. I’ve recently used restraint due to budgetary limits, but I suddenly feel a purchase coming on.

  6. I smiled when I read this. We are certainly addicted to our electronic toys. I sometimes think that I am horribly addicted to technology. I spend all day sporting it. I let it entertain me at night. I also take computer classes at night so I can learn more about how it all works. How horrible is that?

    • I think it’s a sign of the times, James. For many people (my son included) technology is their livelihood, so it does indeed take over the days and nights! It’s just good to maintain a balance with other things if you can – healthier for the mind and body.

      But easier said than done!!

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