Turn, Turn, Turn

Having been officially “not working” for almost two months, I spent a few moments taking stock of the experience so far. And a few moments was all it took for me to decide that I love it.

Lest you think I’d idling around here eating bon bons and watching daytime television, let me disabuse you. In addition to the reading and writing I’ve done in conjunction with the Creative Nonfiction course plus accompanying for the musical theater day camp, I’ve been walking 3-5 miles every day, cleaning out at least one drawer or closet per day, and continuing to work on “special projects” at my office.

But what I love so much is the freedom to do this in my own time.  I love not being pressured by looming deadlines. Most especially I love not shuffling papers.

I obviously had no idea that my job had become absolutely toxic.  I mean no offense to my employer or the people I worked with, who are all extremely lovely people. Even the job itself was perfect for me -once. But I clearly had reached a point where it was time to move on, although I pretended not to know that for the longest time. If I had the least bit of doubt about it I don’t any longer. I literally feel about 100 pounds lighter. I wake up in the morning with a heady sense of expectation and contentment, rather than a ponderous sense of dread. At the end of the day, I’m pleasantly tired, not exhausted and irritable. And never once on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday morning have I felt odd because I wasn’t going into the office.

“To everything there is a season, a time and purpose under heaven…” Whether these words are familiar to you as a quote from Ecclesiastes or the lyrics to an old song by The Byrds, they are certain and true. It was time for me to leave that season of my life behind. Although I hung on like the last wrinkled and withered leaf on a tree in late November, I finally gathered the courage to let go and fall.

How about you? What are you holding onto that you need to let go?

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16 thoughts on “Turn, Turn, Turn

  1. “A Time you May Embrace” – May your Time of Embracing this New Chapter in Your Life

    Serve you and Others Well! Love to you, Mz. Becca! CAROL

  2. So glad to see you feel this way as I am soooooo looking forward to retiring in 2 years so I can do Rotary stuff pretty much full time. Your comment about your former co-workers rings true for me, they are fine folks and we get along well, it’s just time for me to move on. While I don’t yet dread going to the office daily, some days are just more of a struggle than others, hoping I last the two years.

  3. I love that you are enjoying this time. Or rather, that you are letting yourself enjoy this time. Sometimes I live in a hell of my own making… my mind can be my own worst enemy. I need to let go of self-imposed deadlines, concern about what other people think (within reason) and the need to say yes to every request that comes my way. I’m still guilty of making myself way too available. Maybe instead of letting go, I need to hold on tighter to myself. 🙂

    • I AM letting myself enjoy it. I feel like it’s a re-grouping time for me, kind of a time to gather myself together before the next thing – whatever it might be, besides grandmothering, that is!

      It’s hard to hold on to yourself when you’re in the midst of child rearing, there are so many demands on your time and your body! Hang in there, it gets better!

  4. Oh how I envy you. One year, one month and one week and I too will have the freedom of making my days my own. I just have to keep focused a little while longer and then—–bliss!!

  5. 3-5 miles every day!?! You go, girl! Cleaning out at least one drawer or closet per day? You are a house-a-fire! This is wonderful.

    Funny how we sometimes don’t realize how toxic something is until we cut it out of our lives. Enjoy this time of your life, Becca. In fact, I think the best part of this is that you realize how wonderful it is. Relish!

  6. Hold on, or let go? It’s the daily dynamic of my life now that Mom is gone and I’m faced with the task of emptying out her apartment by the end of the month.

    What I’ve discovered is that being forced to ask and answer the question over and over sets up a kind of rhythm. It’s spilled over into my own life, and certainly as far as possessions are concerned I’m going to come out of this with a whole lot of empty space.

    And then, once the key is turned for the final time in her apartment door – what then? There will be empty time to consider, and decisions to be made. What I’ll keep and what I’ll turn loose of – well, that remains to be seen.

    • You are definitely on the cusp of opportunity for big changes in your life, Linda. In the days ahead you’ll probably find yourself transitioning from being preoccupied with dealing with loss to thoughts of possibility for what’s next.

      I’ll be thinking of you, and looking forward to seeing what comes next for you.

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