Having been officially “not working” for almost two months, I spent a few moments taking stock of the experience so far. And a few moments was all it took for me to decide that I love it.
Lest you think I’d idling around here eating bon bons and watching daytime television, let me disabuse you. In addition to the reading and writing I’ve done in conjunction with the Creative Nonfiction course plus accompanying for the musical theater day camp, I’ve been walking 3-5 miles every day, cleaning out at least one drawer or closet per day, and continuing to work on “special projects” at my office.
But what I love so much is the freedom to do this in my own time. I love not being pressured by looming deadlines. Most especially I love not shuffling papers.
I obviously had no idea that my job had become absolutely toxic. I mean no offense to my employer or the people I worked with, who are all extremely lovely people. Even the job itself was perfect for me -once. But I clearly had reached a point where it was time to move on, although I pretended not to know that for the longest time. If I had the least bit of doubt about it I don’t any longer. I literally feel about 100 pounds lighter. I wake up in the morning with a heady sense of expectation and contentment, rather than a ponderous sense of dread. At the end of the day, I’m pleasantly tired, not exhausted and irritable. And never once on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday morning have I felt odd because I wasn’t going into the office.
“To everything there is a season, a time and purpose under heaven…” Whether these words are familiar to you as a quote from Ecclesiastes or the lyrics to an old song by The Byrds, they are certain and true. It was time for me to leave that season of my life behind. Although I hung on like the last wrinkled and withered leaf on a tree in late November, I finally gathered the courage to let go and fall.
How about you? What are you holding onto that you need to let go?