Love-liest of Days

The penultimate thing I love about February is today -my son’s birthday.  It’s nearly impossible to imagine that 30 years have gone by since the morning I awoke a naive 23 -year old and went to bed 14 hours later a mother.

Wow.

Becoming a mother isn’t just about giving birth or changing diapers or toilet training or packing lunches or helping with homework or tying neckties or furnishing the dorm room or making the list for wedding invitations.  It’s about loving someone more than you’ve ever loved anything on earth, about being willing to throw down the gauntlet before anyone or anything who might hurt them, about putting aside all your own fears and misgivings to support their hopes and dreams.  It’s about turning your life upside down every single day if you have to for the rest of your life.

But it’s also about feeling the deepest love and the most wonderful pride, it’s about laughing the hardest you’ve ever laughed, and crying the most you’ve ever cried.  It’s about a heart that bursts with joy one minute and pain the next.  It’s about life in all its miraculous glory and deepest despair.

In short – it’s amazing.

I was a young and stupid mother, wasn’t prepared in any way, shape, or form to take on the responsibility of a child.  I was nothing like most young women today, who plan their pregnancy and childbirth to the hilt, who research all the latest gadgets and gizmo’s, who arrange playdates and choose pre-schools before the ink on the birth certificate is even dry.  I didn’t “register” for baby gifts, didn’t interview my obstetrician, didn’t choose environmentally friendly or safe substances for the nursery linens. 

My son was the first infant I’d ever held in my arms. 

But in spite of my ignorance, he grew- physically and mentally.  He was strong and healthy and smart and amazingly beautiful, with clear blue eyes and a stunning ability to think and create and imagine.

Thirty years later, he’s all that and more.

Amazing.

So I count today as the love-li-est of all February days.  I wish I had been better prepared, had been smarter, stronger. I still wish for wisdom I don’t always have to give.  But I’m more thankful than I can say for the end result, and for all the days in between.

Happy Birthday to my love-ly boy.

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7 thoughts on “Love-liest of Days

  1. Happy Birthday! This post made me cry. For all that I’ve already experienced and will experience. I was 31 when I had my first child, who’s now only 4, and have also felt like a (not so) young and stupid mother. I thought I knew how I’d do things… only to learn that there are so many things I couldn’t prepare myself for. Every day I have learn… while loving with the depths of my soul. Every day I have to forgive myself for all the ways I screw it up. My prayer is that on my son’s 30 birthday, he’ll be as happy and healthy as yours seems to be.

    • No matter how hard we try, we never get it perfectly. The best we can do is love them and let them be themselves, I think.

      Enjoy your son every day (I know you do!)

  2. I’ve never had a child, but I’ve learned a couple of lessons that might apply to the experience. One is that there are things in life we can’t prepare for completely, no matter how hard we try. The other is that, now and then, life itself will take over and fill in the gaps in our knowledge, experience and courage. Some people call that grace. 🙂

  3. Happy birthday to your son. I can feel your love for him pour from this post of yours. He is so handsome. I wish him all happiness in life. And to you too.

    I am not a mother, yet I love my nephews and nieces as my own. I know it is not the same but sometimes life doesn’t give us what we wish for. And what it has given me, I am blessed for that.

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