Alone Again

This title is misleading, because I’m really not alone all that much anymore.  There was a time in my married life when Jim traveled quite a bit, and then,  when he didn’t, I did. 

But for the past four or five years, neither one of us travels much without the other.

However…

Due to a complicated set of circumstances (an unexpectedly very cheap airline ticket for him, and a long standing work committment for me) he’s in Florida for the week and I’m here.

Alone.

Except for the pups – which is not a small thing, really, since they are great company.

So let’s be honest – sometimes being single sounds attractive, doesn’t it?  No one snoring, no one hogging the bathroom or the wide screen TV, no one setting their alarm clock for some ungodly hour allowing it to wake you up before they turn it off and go back to sleep, no one asking “when’s dinner?” and then making a phone call when you get it ready…

No one.

I’m a little bit surprised how lonely I feel.  It could be that there’s just a bit of jealousy involved – after all, he gets to spend time with the children, and I don’t. 

But mostly, it’s feeling as if part of me is missing, as if I’m forgetting something very important in everything I do, as if one vital piece of the puzzle that is my life has been lost behind the refrigerator or (hideous thought!) thrown in the trash.

So I’ve been a bit aimless today, wandering a bit, moping a bit.  I cleaned house, walked the dogs, ate a salad for dinner and then drank a tad more than my alloted one glass of wine. 

I also watched a movie (on the wide screen TV!) that was simply adorable – Dan In Real Life.  If you haven’t seen it, watch it.  Soon. You won’t be sorry. 

I finished the novel I was reading – The Wednesday Sisters.  (I recommend that as well.)

And here I sit, writing this as a way of postponing crawling into my big king sized bed all alone (except for Magic and Molly, who, as I’ve said, are quite good company.  Molly even snores pretty well.)

When you’ve been with someone for 35 years, it’s easy to become a bit complacent in your relationship.  You kid around about it sometimes, make jokes about being together so long.  It’s kind of nice to know that you still miss each other when you’re apart.  Sort of like that song in Fiddler on the Roof.  You know the one…Do You Love Me? Tevye asks his wife.  Do I love you? she replies sarcastically, and then proceeds to serenade him with a litany of things that prove her love for him. Twenty five years of cooking, washing, keeping house, sharing a bed…if that’s not love, what is?

And then they finish the song in close harmony…

It doesn’t mean a thing, but even so…after twenty five years…it’s nice to know.”

That it is.

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13 thoughts on “Alone Again

  1. After so many years single I never wish myself there again … but sometimes I do think about not having responsibility to another person. It’s a fleeting thought, and then I cook dinner for someone who loves me well.

  2. I’ve lived alone for so long now I used to worry that if I ever did meet anyone I’d like to be with forever that I’d be able to share a space with another person again. It would be hard I’m thinking.
    I hope you have a good week, and my dog snores too!

  3. I’ve been there recently myself; my husband was gone for 8 days for training for his work and just got back late Saturday. Nothing seemed right while he was gone.

    I would wholeheartedly recommend “Dan In Real Life” also. 🙂

  4. I can relate! When my love is gone, it’s great for a day or two but then I want him back. We do end up talking every day by phone so that does help a bit, but it’s not the same.

  5. I was single for so long I LOVE when Dave goes out of town for a few days. Even if I must struggle. More than two nights and I start to really miss him. It’s only been 5yrs so I can’t imagine how I’d feel after 35yrs.

    It doesn’t help he gets to see the kids. Thank goodness for the pups. XXOO

  6. Oh, I do believe that another person can be so knit into our hearts and habits that when they are absent — regardless of how irritating they might be — we feel their absence like an amputation, and just as brutally. Your post gets at that feeling just beautifully.

  7. It must be nice to be able to hop on a flight and spend a week at one’s vacation home. I’m tempted, sorely tempted, but I don’t like to fly. So, even if I want to venture up to the U.P. on my own it would still entail a lengthy drive. I think about it for every August, the month my OH can’t get away. I’m thinking about it again this year. But, I know I won’t be hopping on a plane.

    Re: the emptiness. I think everyone feels about the same when their husband/spouse/SO is away and there are no other two-legged warm bodies in the house. My OH is SO annoying (he has ADD) most of the time, but I still like it best when he’s here. Sorry you weren’t able to accompany your husband, but then again, I think I’d rather be in Michigan this time of year, than in Florida.

  8. I completely understand: I think it would be nice to have time to myself, but then I just miss my husband. And there’s a different feeling knowing he’s going to be gone for days….

  9. I totally get what you’re feeling, Becca. My hubby is gone a lot for work, but always local so he pops in and out during the the day. He spends most nights at home and I take great comfort in him just ‘being there’. But then there are times when he’s gone and I love it in an *absence makes the heart grow fonder* kind of way. That doesn’t last very long though. xxoo
    ps.. that film.. isn’t the dreamy Ryan Gosling in that one?? Love him.

  10. What a lovely post, and that you miss your husband so much after only a day away, after having been married for so long is a true testament to the lasting-ness of marriage. Here-here!

    And thanks for the movie and book recommendations! I just saw a promo for Dan in Real Life and thought it looked good. Adding it to netflix right now!

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